Blog provided by Resources for Adolescent Parents (RAP). It has been written by a young parent.
I never thought I would make it to 16…
A little bit about my past
When I was a child I was in an abusive home. My father was a pedophile and my mother played the victim. My mother couldn’t advocate for me and my siblings and the abuse went further. I spoke up about what we were going through, therefore CFS came into our lives and apprehended us in 2008. Fast forward to 2010 I started talking about what my father did, but the foster home and my siblings did not believe what I was telling them. Then I got separated from my siblings across town.
Going ahead to 2015 I was struggling with depression and I was acting out in ways that my foster family couldn’t handle anymore, so they sent me to a group home called White Butterfly with Neecheewam Project. Now I’m 11, moving from a small town I’ve known since I can remember. I meet the girls in the home and they’re all older than me. The group home ranges from 12-18. At that group home I was introduced to drugs, alcohol and smoking which I had never even seen before. I wanted to feel cool and be a part of the group. And it worked for a while. But then the feelings started coming back and I was too unstable to be there.
For all of 2017-2019 I was placed in locked facilities in and out of MYC and shelters. I was doing very heavy drugs for 2 months of summer 2019 until I advocated for myself that I needed help. I wanted and needed a family. I sent letters to the southern authorities with the help of Norwest Coop, Children’s advocate and a lot of nagging from me.
Lisa came along at the end of summer 2019. She took me in knowing all the struggles and needs I had. After spending a year and a half in the youth center I wasn’t ready for change. But I met my partner in summer 2020 and he was very against anything drugs. Lisa helped me get into rehab and I worked on myself. I got out 3 months after and it was hard adjusting back to the real world. I relapsed but pulled myself together and started going to school. Lisa helped me get back into a routine, but I still was struggling to stay where I was. I was so used to drama and things happening in my life that I didn’t like the standstill between school and bedtime. The only person who wanted and kept me on my toes was my mom and my partner. So my {Lisa} helped me advocate to see my partner on the weekends as an incentive to keep myself in school. Only on the exception I go to school from Monday to Friday. I end the school year off clean and finally stable from the life I was leading prior.
It’s summer 2021 and I’m pregnant. During the months of my pregnancy I got very sick. I tried to go to school but my health just wasn’t in good enough shape to go as well as me being embarrassed/uncomfortable around my classmates. I go into labor in March and race back to the city. My boy comes in March and I spend time with my son bonding and getting ready for the next steps of life. I moved from my foster moms to my very first apartment, my son is only 3 months old and I was scared…
Presently…
I started the RAP program with New Directions located at Gordon Bell High School when my son was 9 months old, he’s now a year and doing very well with the other children here. I’ve got my grade 12 and graduate end of June. I never imagined that one day I would actually make it back to high school and finish. Financially I’m doing alright making ends meet, but I would like to start my journey of getting my career built.
My siblings now almost 20 years later are remembering things that had happened when I was a child. They try to apologize and I have forgiven them to some extent but 11 years of rejection doesn’t go away overnight. I love them and I’m trying to build a relationship with them and their kids but it’s hard to look past everything that happened. Me being alone and them all being together just makes me upset even though I know it wasn’t their fault. But I’m trying form my son and his cousins.
At this moment in time I feel as if I’m struggling mentally to be in a good place with myself. I want to feel good about who I am as a person and as a mother. I’m unaware of where I need to start being myself, I haven’t really found my identity and now it’s my responsibility to help my son find his.
What I want for my future…
What I want for my future is for me to be a hard working mom. A mom who supports her kid no matter the circumstances. I would like to have a career I’m proud of and what I enjoy doing. I’m looking forward to seeing the things I can accomplish alone as well as with my family unit. It’s a blessing to be with a man who treats me well and be a mother to such a wonderful little boy. He is such a smart baby. He’s a year old and I can’t put into words how much he changed my life for the better.
Having a baby young is not for the weak but it is nothing short of a blessing. I have no regrets.
This is my story of hope.